We have no duty. Only opportunity.
Being in a relationship is like being at a party. It is wonderful for a while, but if we stay at the party, indefinitely, eventually our joy turns into boredom, maybe then exhaustion and even depression. We need to give ourselves a break, change things up, engage in other activities, then we can rejoin the party later (read as "the next party") ready to attend to it joyfully.
In terms of our intimate relationships this means attending to ALL of our desires, not only those pertaining to our relationship. Sure, we enjoy being with our other, we LOVE being with our other, but let's not forget why we have engaged in relationship in the first place.
Think back to the beginning of your relationship, while you were just courting each other. What was it that kept you interested in this other? What sparked your intrigue? Was it not that the other had an ENTIRE LIFE to share with you? A life distinctly different than yours? A life that you enjoyed hearing about, enjoyed sharing in? Something that you knew nothing about save what they shared? Wasn't it true that each thought they expressed gave you more insight into who they are? Each experience they shared was new and exciting. Let us continue to nurture this "new and exciting" quality in all of our relationships.
How?
By giving them the space to BE new and exciting.
Many of us, during the course of our relationships, especially those we consider intimate, become consumed in the relationship -- we start doing EVERYTHING with our relationship partner. We eat together, we sleep together, we play together, we laugh together, we cry together. We go to the park together, we take vacations together, maybe we even work together. What happens now is that this other that used to have such an amazing life to SHARE with you, simply becomes an addition TO your life. Almost like an outgrowth of your own body -- every experience is had together. This drastically diminishes what is left to be shared, and the value of the relationship wains. This is because sharing IS the value of relationship. If the two of you were meant to be ONE, you would be. It is true that oneness is bliss, but the bliss of oneness fades if oneness is all there is. The two of you must dance together: separating, then reuniting.
Be not a glue that binds, but a magnet that first attracts then turns around and repels, indeed propels your beloved into the world. Then again you will attract, and again repel -- for this is the sacred rhythm, the breathing in and breathing out of your loving relationship and all of Life. Stay not in one engagement for too long, or that engagement will become your only experience. This will be very limiting for you.
Let me be clear that I am not saying we should enjoy a relationship for a while and then move on. Indeed you can be wonderfully happy with the same partner or partners for your entire life. What I am saying is that relationships need space the breathe like everything else. So attend to your desires, whether they include your partner or not. Go out with other friends, go sit in the park alone, take a yoga class, go dancing, ride your bike. Then reunite and SHARE the experience.
You are here as an individual, remember that. We are here together to SHARE our individuality collectively. So be yourself. Allow your partner to be his or herself, then blissfully share your self-ness with each other. Together, apart, together, apart...and so we dance...
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